Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize