Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
