Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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