I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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