Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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