I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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