I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
only if we run a train.
done.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
