my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
