I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
