I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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