thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
