So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
