SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
