how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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