Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
