there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
