i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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