Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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