I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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