Did I show you my penis last night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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