I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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