4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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