I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
