in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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