I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
