I love black thongs
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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