Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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