the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Shame is for Republicans.
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