you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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