Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
