u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
