Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
