Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
