Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
