I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
