This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
