just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize