Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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