Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
