Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
