you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
