Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
