I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
