We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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