I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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