i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Still dying that you shit outside
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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