she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
