Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hippo gnu deer
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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