do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
