yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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