i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
