Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
