I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
