Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
