found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
