if i can run in heels then i can drive
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
