awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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