So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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