***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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