You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
