new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
