I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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