a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dicks are not precious.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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