Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
