I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
