HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
