did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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