Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
